nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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