i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
