WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
