So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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