): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
