Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
