I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
