sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
