I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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