and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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