remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
