I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Come on in and take your pants off
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