oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
