why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
