my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
