I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
