he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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