I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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