Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
