so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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