Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
