he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
