so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
