His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
