the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
whose parrot is this?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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