I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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