I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
