so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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