i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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