it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
