my mouth tastes like poor choices
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
