Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
