i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
