That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize