You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
