Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
