Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
