Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
