its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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