1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize