I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
