Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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