If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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