it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
