She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
