So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
