Plan B is the new Plan A
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
