Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
