Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
