last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
