too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
