I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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