I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
