You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
