We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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