Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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