Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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