found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
