Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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