god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
