I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize