Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
