smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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