Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
