I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
