That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
