i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
