physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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