I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
