So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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