I puked a lego.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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