May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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