This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
