he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
