He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
